11-26 Send it Back

When I go out to dinner these days, its very rare that the whole table doesn't turn to me to do the tasting (and they've probably deferred to me for choosing the wine anyway). Most people have no idea what to do or what to look for when the waiter pours that first taste into the glass. Some people don't have any idea why the waiter poured half a sip into one person's glass. Here's the what, why, and how.

The waiter usually defers to the person that ordered the bottle to taste it. He should do this whether or not the person that ordered is a man or woman (no bitterness intended). The reason for the taste is to determine whether the wine has any flaws, not to determine whether you find it to your liking. The waiter will pour about 1/2 oz. of wine in the taster's glass. If you are the chosen one, you should first pick up your glass and smell it. It should not smell like, wet dog, wet newspaper, vinegar, nail polish or rotten eggs, and if it does, you should send the wine back. If you ordered a Pinot Noir or Gigondas, it may smell like a barnyard. Unfortunately mild barnyard smells are characteristic of those wines and you are supposed to keep it (major ones are license to send it back).

If you have chosen to send the wine back, let the waiter know that you think the wine is flawed, and that you would like another bottle. He should not argue with you, but should recommend whether or not you should try another bottle of the same wine or not. It is usually best to pick something entirely new, especially if you are not sure of the nature of the flaw. You can attempt to impress your friends while sending the wine back by using this cheat sheet to deduce which flaw is the cause of your wine's bad smell.

wet dog, wet cardboard= the wine has been affected by TCA. Also known as "corked".
vinegar= the wine is too old ("turned" or "past its prime")
nail polish= the volatile acidity (VA) of the wine is too high
rotten eggs = there is hydrogen sulfide in the wine
barnyard= brettanomyces or "brett" has effected the wine.

If the wine smells pleasant, then you should swirl the wine in your glass (the small pour should keep you from spilling), smell again, then taste. You don't need to do the fancy sip that wine snobs do, but it does help you taste all the nuances in the wine. To do the fancy sip, put a little of the wine in your mouth, open up, and breathe in a little air. This will enable the wine to spread over all of the sensory parts of your tongue, which you may not care about, and may result in you tasting things like nutmeg, pepper, or cassis. If it tastes good, you are good to go. Smelling the wine should have uncovered any bad news anyway.

One thing you never need to do is smell the cork. This will tell you nothing, except what cork smells like, and you probably have known that since grade school.

Good Luck!